Understanding the role of a death doula
We live in a death-averse culture. In America, we have become so accustomed to death happening only in hospitals or nursing homes that we’ve come to see it as something sterile, something that should happen behind closed doors, something medical. We rarely see it, and even when we do, we don’t like to talk about it. So many people avoid thinking or talking about death, but over the last few years, a “death positive” movement has spread across social media and more people are beginning to rethink death, talk about it, and prepare for it in ways that are less fear-based. Part of this death-positive movement is the rise of the death doula.
What is a death doula?
A death doula (also sometimes called end-of-life doula, or death midwife) is a trained nonmedical professional who provides emotional, physical, and educational support for someone nearing death. They can be considered a mentor for the final chapter of life and are typically brought in by the dying individual’s family.
Death midwife, death coach, end-of-life coach - these are all terms you might come across while researching death doulas, but no matter what we’re called, we’re out to provide compassionate deathcare—helping clients talk about death, plan for end-of-life care, make decisions about end-of-life wishes, and consider how they want to be remembered.
Death doulas are not medical professionals. We are trained, through organizations (like INELDA) or with experienced death doulas, to offer holistic support and guidance to people facing a terminal illness or death. We do this through emotional, spiritual, and practical care. We facilitate a supportive environment, a safe space to talk about hard things.
When to hire a death doula
A doula can become involved at any time in a person’s life. We offer support for people impacted by a life-changing illness, after a terminal diagnosis, when death is imminent, or even if a person just wants to explore what the end of life might mean to them. Sometimes a dying person’s loved ones seek support and guidance from death doulas.
What death doulas do
We seek to normalize deathcare, facilitating conversations around death that hopefully lead to better communication and emotional well-being. When we plan for death, we have autonomy over our end-of-life decisions and wishes. My personal doula process has three stages: preparation, vigil, and post-care. In preparation, we meet regularly (typically every two weeks) to talk and explore your life and vision for your death. As the end stage approaches, we prepare for vigil. When active dying begins, if you desire, I will sit vigil with you and your loved ones. I provide after-death care, and I typically meet once or twice with your loved ones to reprocess the death and help them transition to this new stage.
The following list is adapted from INELDA (the International End of Life Doula Association) and provides a great overview of what a death doula does.
Provide the opportunity to speak openly and frankly about dying
Talk about creating an advance care directive
Explore the meaning of the dying person’s life and legacy
Discuss and support end-of-life care planning
Develop a plan for how the space looks, feels, and sounds
Incorporate traditions or create new rituals to mark special moments
Encourage appropriate ways of touching the dying person
Bring a focused and intuitive presence to the bedside
Assist with physical and practical care to ease the burden on caregivers
Provide respite for exhausted caregivers
Explain the signs and symptoms of the dying process
Process the emotions and experiences with loved ones
Support the spiritual practices of all involved
Guide people through the early stages of grieving
Whether you are facing a terminal diagnosis, approaching the end of life, or just curious about death or the death doula process, you can find more information here or reach out to chat.
